Welding words together on an analytically emotional level is not right, not now. I am content with not knowing how I feel or what I want. I'm content with existing in a metaphysical limbo, content with the Zen of day by day, stripping back to the basics of being.
With these two homes in our children's lives, in our lives now, there are half the material possessions surrounding us than there used to be. Moving offered up the perfect opportunity to radically de-clutter and with my new home an empty box on arrival I have continued to de-clutter as I have unpacked. I often wonder how it is possible to accumulate so much 'stuff' but then stuff sometimes holds stories and for that I love it. Some of it.
I'm simplifying in the kitchen too, enjoying a more basic approach to food as I don't have to stock my cupboards with anything I don't want now. I can focus my attention on the simple wholefoods I love and believe in whilst chores are ever more manual now that I have no dishwasher.
My space my rules, so I have ditched the TV license and the myriad channels: no-one ever watched them anyway. I am content with simply my internet connection and Netflix for purposeful viewing and with the television gone time stretches infinitely in front of us, our days lengthen filling with increased quality and endless opportunity. It has been insanely refreshing to have a fortnight away from the internet.
I felt like I was on holiday and filled out my being with real presence rather than being distracted and drawn away from unsuspecting moments by the white noise of social media but oh how I have missed streaming and discovering music. I even had to buy and read the paper to keep up with global affairs! I have relished filling this gifted time with playing endless games, home baking, reading books, craft projects, post dinner strolls to the park and the Italian deli that sells the best ice cream in the world ever! I have been thankful of having real mental space to process. I have enjoyed all these ways of being and retrospectively we aren't doing badly I suppose, but the oceanic ebb and flow of emotions and copings - mine and the children's can be a little challenging. We are all at one point or another during the day on a knife edge.
But there you have it. It was never going to be easy, it is all about damage limitation which is a precarious balance when their wee consciousness's are unaware of simply being able to trust the process as we strive to.
Keen to capture happy moments to hold in my heart here are the first from this new space of ours ...
I love that they love.
I'm trying hard baby bears, real hard. Love and light X