Cliff berates me ... yes, well I am a girl, I have only experienced life through a girls eyes. How, pray tell, do I start thinking like a boy? For all the reading I have done I still cannot work out how to live in better harmony with Zander ... or Cliff for that matter. It is quite simple ~ Zander behaves when my focus is entirely on him or both him and Gaia. I understand this but there is more to be done in a day, a woman's work is never done. When I turn my attention to the household things which are simply unavoidable, or the important but arduously dull paperwork that I can't put off any longer, he goes into monkey business overdrive. It is very noisy, very silly, it is messy and sometimes it is destructive and dangerous. And I get cross and I shout and then I feel like a shitty ass mama, again.
I have been thinking partly my expectations of a 5/6 year old boy are all wrong, because I'm thinking like a grown up and a girl. And partly I forget the things I have learnt I should consider. Honestly, though I need to regain some control of my imp, I'm really not wanting to place too many restrictions on childhood urges for mischief, I don't want children who are seen and not heard, though I admit a mute button some days would be a blessing! My friend Lisa who has three kids - two who are twins wears ear plugs - her squidgy mood improver's she calls them ... one ear plug and a massive slice of cake is her remedy!
Sometimes I have meditated with curiosity upstairs whilst the wild game continues down stairs - some days it provides a fantastic realisation of how it is actually possible to find peace in total chaos and other days it just eats at me even more. Finding more equanimity would help, always, but I think if I could also develop more confidence in successfully reigning him in and reengaging him when things have gone too far there would be less meltdowns from both of us. So I am writing a go-to checklist of things to consider and try on days when the house feels like a badly run zoo! It's a start anyway so here goes, in no particular order ....
Pick your battles! Is it worth it?
Is anyone or anything in danger/getting hurt/being damaged?
Am I just irritable/tired/got PMT?
Do they need fresh air?
Have I stopped to think about it with kid logic?
Have I stopped to try and think about it with boy logic?
Have I asked a reasonable number of times for it to stop? (like 2 or 3)
Have I explained the consequences if it doesn't stop?
Have the consequences been followed through?
Have I tried a timeout for him?
Have I tried a time out for me?
Have I tried asking him to write lines (seriously this method kicks ass! Not as archaic as it sounds ~ when a kid will not remember a valid reasonable point writing it down ten times helps it soak into his consciousness .... and it is fantastic handwriting practise I have found)
Have I tried cuddles?
Have I tried tickles?
Have I tried stories?
Have I written a list of positive things he has done today?
This is going on the fridge, we'll see if it helps or not.
Happy sunday, love love love X X X