This year I am consciously choosing to start reawakening and honouring those aspects of my pre-mama self that truly I shouldn't, yet inevitably, have forgotten. My loose hope and suspicion is that if I feel more myself I can let more positivity flow through me, get a little closer to reaching my full potential and let the children start to see who I truly am. It was all to easy to forget myself these last five years. I question weather I love myself enough to project the enormity of love I have inside for my children outwards, I really do.
I recently bought my first deck of oracle cards having been curious for years just waiting for the time to be right and for the first time in I don't know how many years I put out a quartz wand to charge in the light of the full moon the other night. I bought an earth based almanac calendar and want to seriously learn how to read astrology charts which I have dabbled halfheartedly in for years.
Little by little, awaken, unfurl.
And my dreams lately, so vivid, have been dominated by the Moon - full, blindingly pearlescent & powerful, by Ancestors - generic & beautiful and by Nature - apple blossoms, apple blossom/rose hybrids to be precise. I have never liked to read too much into anything lest I might interfere with .... I don't know what, but I make sure to notice, acknowledge, tip my hat and I sit with these images and let them permeate my consciousness with the belief that wisdom and inspiration will come. But is it time for a little more I wonder. I forget this is my life as well as theirs. How will they remember me when they are grown?
Me and the girl started preparing for Imbolc today. I can't tell you how excited I am by the whispers of light and warmth and confirmation that the wheel does keep turning, that after dark there is light.
We made bread packed with the promise of sunflower seeds and cakes full of tasty treats for the birds to hang in trees ...
This festival will be a homely one, no big gatherings this time. There will be fire and food, spring dolls and animals made from straw and a walk along the river. Selfishly I want time for myself to spend gently and intentionally reawakening some more.
Bright Blessings X