Wednesday, 22 August 2012

He's back

Just some thoughts ....

I know all the best parenting books and advice says not to say 'where's my lovely little boy gone' in the face of regular prolonged apparent bad behaviour.  Some of the things that we've come up against behaviourally in the last year have consistently made home life a challenge.  Into the fourth week of the school holidays now and Cliff and I both found ourselves smiling dotingly as we simultaneously realised that the affectionate, funny, life loving side of our boy has re-emerged.  Last night I did quietly breathe the words ... it's like having him back.'

Seeing the change has shocked both of us.  I didn't realise how much of an effect school has had on him.

He is only five and the school day is a long day.  He needs more rest than his early rising sister allows him and I know that once little boys start hanging out in crowds a certain need to establish pecking order and test each others mental and physical strength appears.  Familiarity in the family unit has been reduced as much of the time we spent together is now spent apart, we loose touch with each other on a daily basis.

I am glad of this realisation and the fresh light it has thrown on things.  It means I can and am learning from him which I always aspire to do yet so often feel I miss the mark.  When school starts again in September I can facilitate more resting and not put so much pressure on him to be 'occupied'.  I can make an extra effort to bestow affection and make a start now in establishing consistent calm simple, factual responses to undesirable behaviour that I can continue using as term begins.

Last week I talked a bad situation through with him in a human manor rather than a peeved irrational rebuking authoritarian way.  It felt good and once more I uncovered some reasons for other undesirable behaviour - all I had to do was ask him it turns out!

Love and light X

4 comments:

  1. ah bless you and Z. School can be sooooo hard cant it! I am seeing some changes here too but not quite enough. Early rsing have come back too and i am hoping that will go away when she goes back to school!!!
    x

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    1. School is hard for us mama's as well huh, though you are a teacher I think I remember? Is it easier for you knowing the otherside ... what goes on behind the scenes. Does your little girl go to the school you teach at?
      Much love X

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  2. I so recognise this, we had some really challenging behaviour from our oldest since he started school, it's exhausting for him. I seriously considerd taking him out of school and home ed for a while, but truth be told, he loves it and he behaves lovely there! I just think it's to long days, to early for them, and not enough 'running around being children'-time.

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    1. I think with boys especially, though each child is unique with unique needs, they are not ready for the structure they meet at school at 4. There is a bit more runniny jumping climbing trees left in them and Zander seemed quite miffed to report today that his new teacher told him he could not do as he liked and get whatever he liked out anymore he had to do what he was told to do now.
      It made me realise how holistic and child led reception was. I know a new school year is daunting for children and mamas alike and that we all take a while to adjust but I don't see why the rest of the years could be slightly more sensitive as reception was ... maybe not every school is like this, we were lucky to have an absolutely exceptional reception teacher who sets a standrad I'm doubting can be maintained by the rest of the staff. Not meaning to be harsh but she really was that good!
      Hope the new school year has started well for you too.
      Much love X

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