Friday, 6 July 2012

Epic Fail!

Whilst I enjoy recording triumphs and accompanying tribulations in this little space, today I shuffle in sheepishly with my tail well and truly between my legs ... with mascara streaks staining my face as I accept the award for the worst mummy ever!

I'm sure most people have those dreams where you know you are meant to be somewhere, yet there are myriad ridiculous obstacles stopping you reaching your destination.  Or in your dream you wake up well beyond the time you should have been wherever it was ... I have those dreams, like all mothers within the context of our children.  Well today that nightmare became reality.  I unintentionally slept - slept through past school picking up time.  My tired night-shift weary body-mind failed to raise alarms as the big hand sidled past 3 o'clock and I woke suddenly at 3.30 pinching myself, cursing and double taking the clock ...!  Oh Crap!

I rang the school office who were quite understanding and reassuring though what they thought of me really I don't know.  I grabbed Gaia and hurtled off on a soggy bike and the tears started streaming down my cheeks.
As I have been attending to mindfulness with renewed enthusiasm of late it dawned on me how present a crisis can make you.  If this moment is it and all that matters is what you do with it using your knowledge and wisdom, then I became incredibly present as I cycled to school.  No other nonsense infiltrated my thoughts, my mind was crystal clear and I was fully present in my aim to get there as quickly as I could.  A good and timely affirmation of what I continue learning.

Bless my boy for being so forgiving of me.  I don't know how it feels but I can't imagine anything worse than your mummy not turning up at the end of the day.  I've been slightly late on a couple of occasions but nothing like this before.  He has been generous with his forgiveness and love which seems to be a concept that though he knows not the meaning, comes naturally.  So naturally he had to ask me what forgivness meant when I thanked him for his.

Feeling rotten I scooped him up and headed to the cafe to try and make it up to him, then relented to the current PS3 ban.  Perhaps not the best lesson to teach but I'm a sucker and I love my boy who does somewhat measure my love by what I allow him to do, amongst other things.

Lessons learned as always.  I'm sure this was the first and the last time this will happen!

Love and light X

6 comments:

  1. Wow, I'm amazed you have only done this once?! I would make a terrible school mummy I'm afraid, so a home ed one I must be. Hopelessly late for everything....most home ed meetings are flexible on timings thank goodness or I'd be in mummy pergatory on a regular basis to be sure! Perhaps your boy liked the opportunity for some one-to-one bonding with his teacher after school and was not upset by it as much as you perceive? I'm sure he'll remember the episode as having a loving and happy ending anyhow :-) xxx

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    1. I think a lot of what I percieve my children to be feeling are my own projections but it's so difficult to know. He has been adorable about it all evening by which I am humbled! I hope we'll laugh about it when he's older :0) x

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  2. oh, bless you. what a day, i would feel exactly the same it it were me. Schools are very understanding of situations like this so dont worry about that. Sounds like he was ok after his ordeal and i sould imagine the ps3 did help! cafes help us too!!

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    1. Yes they all thought I was mad for getting so upset! Think if I'd been better slept I'd have had a better perspective on it all. Cafes are like soul charging points for us, can always make a bad thing good! :)

      X

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  3. Bless, at least it turned out to be a learning experience for you. Kids get over these things. Before I took Luke out of school, we were once stuck in Christmas shopping traffic as 3 o clock approached and ended up being over half an hour late. I rang the school and they were fine about it. The boys got to sit and chat to teachers so they were fine too. It was me who was a nervous wreck, lol. xx

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    1. Mmmm, sadly he seemed to be sitting by himself at the school office but his TA said on monday that they'd chatted in the classroom for a bit and had said that something must be up as 'mummy's usually very good'! X

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