I came down Tuesday morning to my ancestors sitting at our breakfast table. Not literally, I had left out the photo's from the previous night, Samhain, and what a joyful sight first thing. It really did feel like they had joined us for the first breakfast of the new Celtic year. And my babies, they loved those old black and white photographs - edges cut with fancy scissors, figures in clothes not recognisable these days. They wanted to know about everyone, so I gladly shared what I knew.
Samhain was a beautifully serene night after a funny old start to the day. I laid that extra place at the table for my Grandma who passed this year and once little ones were in bed I meditated on these wonderful photographs, imagined their stories, saw living family members in their faces and I swear I felt their peaceful humble energies. Particularly the pictures of the women folk ... was it a subtle yet great feminine power I felt behind me as if all their hands were placed gently on my shoulders? I think so, I felt something. What else could explain my calmness at another 4.30a.m start from Gaia or taking my first steps into a new career?
So in a new year state of mind there are things I wish to leave behind. Simultaneously there are new things I want to incubate through the winter and nurture into great abundant blossoms in the spring. I want to walk forward into my thirtieth year unafraid of myself, calmer of mind, more peaceful and loving of heart. More accepting and allowing, less judgmental, more happy, more understanding, more sorted, more stable, more able. I want to continue to face myself, develop myself, walk further into mindfulness and being. I want to be a good role model for my children, I want to keep working at friendships - forging the new, keeping those of longevity burning. I want to kindle more creativity - new skills and old. I want to keep challenging myself to always push further forwards to never think 'thats enough'.
I want more days like this ...
They are the best hosts and my sis ... she makes THE best desserts!
And I'm done with being apologetic about gun play. It never did my brother any harm ... artistic, thoughtful, peaceful - that is everything I can hope for for my boy!
Butter WOULD not melt, I swear!
The BEST uncle in the world ...
My, haven't we grown! How did that happen!
I want us to step into new things together.
Gaia and I took part in an Imaginative Movement class together yesterday morning. The delight on her face and in her squeals as the class began. She raidated smiles and enthusiastic participation. We twirled together like leaves and swayed like trees. We froze our bodies like blots of lightening and slithered like snakes. There was an adventure and 'popcorn making' and we stretched our wings and flew for the first time like swans to Tchaikovsky's most beautiful of symphonies. I definitely had just as much fun as she did. And we were there with our new friends adding kindling to that fire.
Zander is keen to start Karate so my mission is to find a class that we can both go to. I want to show him commitment, show him enthusiasm, show him I care. We can learn together, practice together and most importantly BE together.
What exciting times these are as their interests start to catch alight.
Ten years have gone by somehow since Cliff and I met. Such a lot has happened. It is nice to have a history, yet inevitably to balance the good there have been storms we have weathered. Love is not easy but there has always been that something about him my soul could not do without. Along the way I have lost sight of weather it is my head or my heart that I follow and I wonder where one stops and the other begins. Time has blended those boundaries until all that we can be certain of is that we are still together. Our roots must run deep and strong, like an old and sturdy oak so maybe we really are made from the same clay, who can say.
Though I do not know if Cliff will remember (he rarely does) on firework night I'll remember (as I always do) the fireworks I felt inside ten years ago to that day. Regardless of where we are right now, what difficulties we have and do face, there is still that something, that undeniable something and as ever I hope one day we will look back together and be glad we pushed on through the resistant gales, finding ourselves in a place of calm, bright sunny stillness.
And of course there are the little things that have warmed my heart this week ...
A bag of beautiful hand me downs for Gaia from our new friends from school.
The garden that doth never stop providing afternoon snacks ...
The kindness and reassurance of the online friends I have
Hearing from others about their powerful journeys back towards mindfulness
The first bowls of porridge of the season
Finding my brain hasn't completely lost it's powers of information retention.
My new book and the laughable fact I now have seven on the go at the moment!
My babies love for one another ...
Seeing Gaia look as small as a baby wrapped in Cliff's big arms ...
Warming my feet by the fire.
New Year Blessings and Light X