Wanting to catch this moment ....
I hold a yellowy green glass pebble between two fingers. I mindfully turn it as I did a raisin this night eight weeks ago. I hold it in different lights. First it looks translucent and green, then yellow then I swear it could be opaque and pinky blue. It could be a cats eye ..... but now there is more in there; this humble object is full of the faces of those of us who sat together for 8 weeks, sharing our demons, experiences, wishes and insights. It is full of our stories and the lessons we have learnt and hope to be reminded of every time we fish for our glass pebble in the bottom of our pockets.
The love that was present in the Buddhist Centre last night was humbling. The course poignantly finished the same way it began but this time around there was camaraderie, laughter and positive reflection as we've got to know each other and have come to feel like this truly has been a collective journey. We did not want to leave our final night together. We subconsciously found all the excuses we could to stay together just another minute longer. Hugs and email addresses were exchanged and wishes to stay connected to each other and this peaceful sanctuary we all came to.
I am full of head cold this morning but the sky is clear for the first time in days and I hesitantly think I can feel that ember in my soul glowing a little warmer and a little brighter than it has for a long time, something feels more like home. A wave of that loving energy and an inaudible sonic boom still ripples through my world now.
We came to the course feeling alone, like the rest of the world could cope so why couldn't we? But we left knowing that we walked through fire together, that we are never alone and it is OK not to feel OK sometimes.
So what have I most noticeably gained from this last 8 weeks? I have gained the present moment and a legitimate reason to meditate every day. I have gained hope, better perspective and many useful tools to use often. And you know the only thing I've sacrificed to fit all this self care in? Housework.
In the coming days, weeks, months and years I will continue this daily practice and have faith that in time the teachings of mindfulness will permeate my life on many levels. The commitment doesn't stop now I have my Wednesday evenings back and I'm not sure what I have 'got back' in any case. We almost felt bereft as we said our goodbyes and yes there were tears in my eyes as I did the guided breathing space meditation this morning knowing I would not meditate with those people again, for a while at least. But last night we were encouraged to celebrate what it has been, still is and will be. We were wished not a wonderful week, but a wonderful rest of our lives. This is only the end of the beginning perhaps the journey truly begins now.
Blessings, love and luck to everyone I've shared the last eight weeks with. Parting is such sweet sorrow, I hope we meet again.